Wander
by Aa-chan
Summary: Van awakens after Zaibach attacks Fanelia...


Wander

_By Aa-chan_

I am frightened.

It's odd to acknowledge the fact. I guess I'm not really the sort of person who likes to admit defeat, and being frightened is one step closer to giving up.

But how could I not be? In such a short time, my entire world, my entire life, came crashing down around me. How could this have happened?

I abruptly realize that I'm trembling, huddled like a terrified child among the sparse trees, where I awakened. I am hugging my knees to my chest and I think I could cry, if I didn't fight the urge so fiercely. With effort I stop shaking, and awkwardly rise to my feet, stiff after lying on the ground for who-knows-how-long. Balgus always said that a true swordsman never let his emotions betray himself. Life is a battle, and you must try to remain strong. Not that I ever wanted to learn swordsmanship, but—

I suddenly freeze where I stand, replaying my own thoughts in my mind. 'Balgus always _said_.' He is gone now, along with Fanelia, all because of some cowardly attackers who didn't even show themselves! All in the space of a few hours, someone anonymous had destroyed everything I held dear to me.

Balgus, Merlu, and Fanelia. They were all I had left, really, after my family had… had… Well, it doesn't matter now, because they are all gone!

When I was a little boy, my life was so happy, I was so carefree. I was naïve. I thought the world was a happy, wonderful place to live. Anything troubling was tucked safely away into nightmares.

I lean against a tree, frowning. Now that I think about it, I began to understand that Gaea wasn't such a beautiful place after all on that day Merlu dared me to fly. I had never used my wings much, seeing no need for it, but I was always a daring person. Even when Merlu was afraid and told me not to, I didn't see any sort of consequences that could come of it.

That is, until I started to fall. In a rush of comprehension, I realized I could die. My mother few up to catch me, and as she hugged me close and smoothed my hair, she whispered in my ear. She murmured for me not to let anyone see me wings, and I didn't understand. Was there something wrong with them? I didn't understand, but Mother's words seemed to carry an incredible weight of significance that made me feel as though I'd done something terrible. I clung to her, crying, breathing in her scent that had always reminded me of lilies.

Whenever I smell lilies, now, I somehow feel sorrow and happiness mingled…

After Folken disappeared, after both Father and Mother died, Balgus was my only connection to them. He had known them long ago, and was my father's closest advisor and friend. He was always good to me. With his great hulk and that old war scar over his eye, and coarse grey hair, he would have been imposing to most people, but not me. I used to tug on his mustache.

He began to teach me the ways of a true Fanelian prince, and I learned that he was full of such admirable qualities—like his sense of honour, and duty, and his pride in being a Fanelian knight…

I will miss him.

I sneeze, and I realize just how cold it is now for the first time. I wonder where that girl—Hitomi—is, but I don't think I can go look for her yet. I feel guilty, but my depression overrides that.

Fanelia is gone now.

When I was first told I had to take the place as king, I didn't want to. It seemed as if I was replacing the lives of my father and brother, as if I was taking over something that didn't belong to me. And being king? Why should I have cared to do something like that? I'm not exactly the dignified, clever, elegant person that I tend to associate with royalty. But then again, neither was Father.

I remember, though, that one day a band of some strange creatures invaded the castle. I had never seen them, but I recognized them from Balgus' description of a snakelike people with almost human minds. They were called Jin, and kept to themselves usually. The only thing that could bring them out of hiding was their extreme prejudice for specific creatures, and they were going after Merlu.

I killed them, each and every one with my sword. I wanted to yell, to shake, to run even, but I Balgus' teachings kept running through my mind. When they were dead, I dropped to my knees, but Merlu hugged me and licked my face with fervent gratefulness and love. And I realized then that I liked to protect people, and I could do that as king.

That, coupled with my sense of honour and duty I'd acquired from Balgus, lead me ultimately to the choice.

I love—loved—that land, and everyone in it. And now, it is all gone. There is nothing left for me. Nothing. No one to love, no one who loves me, no one to protect…

A scream suddenly rings out in the chill night air, and I jerk away from the tree, running in the direction it came from. That was Hitomi. A helpless, lost, girl, naïve to the ways of Gaea, wandering aimlessly.

I _do_ have someone to protect after all, don't I?


End file.
